Zweck and I drove past a pie shop in Burbank on the way to work today. I'd noticed it before and chuckled because one of the selling points they have plastered across the building is their 'pleasant atmosphere'. It basically says COME EAT PIE IN A PLEASANT ATMOSPHERE.
Which, I'm sorry, is just not a strong statement. I only worked in marketing for a few years but 'pleasant' is weak. Zweck, however, was prepared to move past pleasant and wondered aloud whether pie shops in the US carry meat pies. I told him no. He was disheartened and wanted to know why.
I told him the truth: 'It's un-American.'
He got all dramatic and said he couldn't exist in world without meat pies. That his Australian blood wouldn't handle the lack of meat.
'I didn't know you're Australian,' I said.
'I'm not. I'm British. But I have some Australian blood,' he said.
I wondered to myself if Mike needed some meat in order to calm down and think clearly.
Instead he fixated on how badly he wanted a meat pie and how he couldn't have one. He told me about his favorite place in Sydney - Harry's - where they've made meat pies since 1932 and how you can buy pies floating in a pool of mushy peas or you can get pies injected/squirted with something FROM SOME SORT OF FOOD GUN. I totally didn't understand. But I didn't feel like I needed to.
'That sounds disgusting,' I said, 'but I get it. It's your chicken and waffles.'
I tried to distract him by dangling a conceptual donut in his face. 'You like donuts, don't you?' I said, 'There's lots of donut shops in LA.' That didn't really work, even though he admitted that Krispy Kremes are alright. They're just not meaty. We drove in silence. Until he brought up tacos: 'I'd like to try some of the taco stands.'
'Oh YEAH,' I said, happy to find common ground involving meat and happy to know I could pull over for an emergency breakfast burrito if Zweck's Australian blood oxygen levels dropped, 'Some of the taco stands around here are AMAZING!'
Please note that I have yet not been to one taco stand in LA. But I'm sure they're incredible.
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