I'm in Toronto and apparently it's been awhile since I've patronized Starbucks. This morning I woke up and skidded my way down the icy sidewalk to the nearest epicenter of world domination and asked for a large coffee.
"What size would you like?" the barista asked me redundantly.
"Large please," I said again.
Then - and this is where I started getting annoyed - she looked at me and pointed to the largest cup on display and said, "You'd like a VENTI?"
And I swear to god what I should have said is, "Bitch. Your mom knows what I like."
But what came out was, "Yes please."
And the thing is, I wasn't even trying to be be difficult. It's just that a large is a large. It is THE LARGEST SIZE OFFERED. Period. Regardless of whatever clever Italian branding is slapped on it by some genius in Seattle.
God, it pissed me off. For like four minutes.
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I rarely go to Starbucks, and when I do, I refuse to order in their tongue. "I'll have a small latte." "A TALL latte?" Yes, small." is how the conversation usually goes for me.
I think next time I'll go in speaking entirely in Italian. Except when I get to the sizes I'll throw in some Old English. Why not.
(How many Starbuckians know that "venti" actually means "twenty"? More analysis here: http://itre.cis.upenn.edu/~myl/languagelog/archives/001677.html)
ha! olde english! no one is speaking enough old english, in my opinion...let me know how that works for you...
remember that girl in ecuador who you knew who got a wordy tattoo and the tattoo artist fucked up the spelling? so she told people it was "old spanish"... whatever that may be?!?
god bless these little daily diversions...
haha that girl i knew in ecuador sent me a video TODAY of her (new) third baby and the serious cuteness happening there. i forgot to ask if she still has a totally jacked tattoo .
It could be "old spanish". I have never read Don Quijote, but you never no. My jacked up tatoo may actually be super cool and mean something very profound. And I am sticking with my explanation until I have the guts to fix it. so there!
I ask Stubuckians may I have some coffee with that syrup. They don't seem to think I am funny.
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